hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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