i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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