so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
