Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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