Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
