so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
