fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I supernannyed him into submission
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
