Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
