i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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