it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This is my gift to your gina
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
