You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
