i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
