Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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