im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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