so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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