I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
