Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
