and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
