I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
it hurts more in the daytime
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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