I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
