So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
