to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
not ubering you a puppy
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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