i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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