guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
