He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
