I wish I could punch you in the face.
Buhtt sex?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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