i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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