I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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