i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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