the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
