well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
