your thong is hanging out like whoa
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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