I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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