I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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