You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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