How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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