the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
