and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
