i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Is it penis luge time yet?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
