I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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