A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
