you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
