I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
