Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
