i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
