He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
