When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
