so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
