i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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