My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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