Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
