Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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