I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
