So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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