Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
