she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
