I feel like abortions should bother me more
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
