Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
