Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
