All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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