This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
