Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
